SPAM & EGGS DEPT.
SPAM... Unwanted Email, Clogged Bandwidth and the problem with “Cutesies” Special Commentary By Don Jibaro

My friend from Bayamón, Chebo and I no longer share the philosophy of life through email anymore. Now he just sends me "forwards" that he collects from the Internet or that people send to him. What once was a profound exchange of "nuggets of truth" between friends has become a bombardment of "cutesies". Cutesies (cute things) are those snippets that you get forwarded from someone who got it forwarded to him by someone who... well, you get the idea, don't you?

The problem with the CUTESIES started a while back with some folks who just got their new PCs and wanted to "bless" their EMAIL acquaintances with an otherwise uplifting message. Then they started sending poems, then jokes, then ANYTHING that they thought it was WORTH reading. The snowball GREW so big that now a good 25% of ALL EMAIL is "The Forwarding of Cutesies" and stories of little girls in wheelchair that won't get HMO care unless you forward the case to ten email addresses, who will in turn, forward it to ten more, and.... YIKES !!!!

Now, for the sake of imagery, picture the INTERNET being a huge HIGHWAY (let's call it "bandwidth").... with "on-ramps" and "exits" for you to get on and off. WEBSITES are "stops" on that HIGHWAY where you go and visit, shop or browse, then get back on the "highway" and surf off into another sunset. Also, bear in mind that, according to InterNic, Inc. (the people who register websites), approximately ONE MILLION of NEW websites are set up every single day. So what yesterday looked like the quaint little country road, today may look like downtown Hato Rey during RUSH HOUR...!!!

YESSSS.... The WEB grows... wider, taller, deeper, THICKER...!!! So imagine people exchanging business memos, "recetas pa' pasteles y tostones" and relevant correspondence on that HIGHWAY while at the same time others are FORWARDING "cutesies" (even without deleting the previous messages that get attached to them automatically). That single message (text only) that was 3 kilobytes in size, is now 5kb, then 10, then 20, and so on and on. GRAPHICS oriented messages are from 50kb to 100 kb BIG !!! Remember that one Megabyte is ten of those, or 1,000 kb... OK? How long before your 2 Meg Hotmail account will be filled up?

Do you follow me so far?

Just as we inadvertedly pollute the air, water and the whole cosmos... we also pollute the Internet bandwidth with unnecessary and unsolicited EMAIL (called SPAM, cuz nobody wants it and tastes funny... hee, hee). Hundreds of sites, business and otherwise, are now set up to battle SPAM and BP (Bandwidth Pollution). So there you have it.... more internet traffic !!!

¡¡¡Mire Compay, Ay bendito!!! ...I do not forward, instead I cut and paste; and because I have a WEBSITE, I try to keep the BANDWIDTH clear. That's like sweeping your sidewalk and driveway, etc. so your ex-wife (or ex-hubby) can come visit you.

Here are some reasons why we didn't like cutesies...
They clog the bandwidth (the internet highway)
It's SPAM (plain and simple, unsolicited stuff)
It slows down many of the SERVERS and PCs of low budget folks like me...
IT FILLS UP the MAILBOX before you can say "miranenesalsipuedes"...

In one reader's case, most cutesies sent to him were over 84k each !!!, the regular message being 3k... so everyday his email got PAST the 2 megs allotted for his acct. because some fool was sending him 8 to 10 a day... JUST TO GIVE HIM A HARD TIME!

The other problem with "CUTESIES" is that those who send them AND forward them think they are going to "BLESS" the recipient with a RANDOM message that may or may not apply to their life at that moment, while their model 486 PC gets thrown OUT of WHACK because the DARN MESSAGES are 100k BIG !!!!

¿Hello? Then they forward STUFF with hundreds of carets >>>>>> on them, THAT YOU CAN HARDLY READ the darn thing! PLEASE desist!

That is witness to the fact that THEY don't know how to cut and paste to send a decent readable message, or that they think that they are going to "bless" the recipient with a message that you have to get cross-eyed to decipher... or because they got blessed, OTHERS "SHALL" WILL BE BLESSED TOO!

Spammers should be selective and send those things to those who they know for sure will enjoy them. I have a website that provides a SERVICE and I need clean bandwidth. JIBAROS.COM is dishing out virtual cuchifritos, music & bacalaitos possibly to a Puerto Rican soldier stationed in Tazmania, Freedonia or some remote place on this forsaken Earth and hasn't been in PR in years.

So... dear friend, IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY that day... Then say nothing! Nothing is good enough and there's NOTHING WRONG with that! The internet gives us BORICUAS an opportunity to validate and express our "PUERTORRICANISMO" hopefully through intelligent and wise DIALOGUE. Get back to STAND on your Boricua soapbox and say: "¡Ay bendito, dame cuchifrito, quiero güineito, aunque sea virtual. DAME UN CANTITO DE BORINQUEN, CARAMBA!"

C'mon, bring the MEMORIES. Bring the "chancletas" and spank your own butts into a revival of OUR ROOTS, our customs. LETS SHARE that which you know is going to make the next person say... "AY bendito, (snif) QUE LINDO ES SER BORICUA !!!!." (IF YOU MUST SHARE a quotation or a poem, you can copy and paste the text of the "cutesie" and send it without the heavy graphics, y'know, PLAIN TEXT... that will work! Ah... and teake out the carets >>>)

The wonderful Boricua pride is the ONE THING WE ALL HAVE in common. Let's share that!

The SPAM malady in Great Britain