The Dangers of Anger
By DonJibaro
My son and I were at the local market when and we heard a toddler crying loudly in the next aisle. I left my son with the cart and went to see... Well, there was a lady comparing the price of two items AND a 3 or 4 year old boy kicking the shopping cart and screaming "I want that toy, I want that toy NOW !!!"  

I rushed back to my son and said something like: "Somebody is taking over." Of course... I meant the kid over his mom. "That kid will definitely have major issues with self -control when he grows up," --I added. You see, I am not a psychologist by trade but in 61½ years I've had a great deal of anger related experiences; both with family and friends... to the point that I have created a need to understand anger, oppression and even death....

I have studied these subjects and that has allowed me to keep my sanity and my life. What I share here is not a professional array but personal and voluntary. Anger is a normal, usually healthy human emotion, but when it is out of control it can become destructive, causing problems both in personal and working life... it can even cause death: yours or that of others.

Excessive and out of control anger can cause feelings of fear, unpredictable behavior and loss of control. I remember seeing men in Puerto Rican bars suddenly explode with anger, rip their shirts off and go duke it out in the street. But, why rip your shirt off?

The effect of anger on those around you can be one of worry, fear and a gradual withdrawal from interaction with you, or one of responding angrily.  In turn, this of course will lead ultimately to conflict and aggression.

Hard Core Anger Management
Fair or not, because we suffer some social stigma we have to work harder at being accepted. The goal of anger management is to reduce both the emotional and physiological feelings that may be caused by anger, by recognizing who we are and what makes us uncomfortable. It is not about changing the events or people that cause the anger but it is about changing your emotional and physical responses to them.

Most Puerto Ricans are very assertive, that which can be construed as threatening... be it passive or active. We get closer to a person when we talk and that could be intrusive to some ethnic groups. Some will withdraw a bit and we can take that as "rejection" that triggers a degree of unaceptance that feeds our anger.

There are various psychometric tests and questionnaires that can ascertain your anger levels, but it is likely that if you are experiencing problems with anger that you are already aware of that fact. When a Boricua is angry, boy... he knows he's angry and he'll let you know... whew!  So, if you find that your behavior is out of control you may need help in finding a different way of dealing with this particular emotion. The world has gotten too complex and we don't need additional complications, regardless of how tough we think we are.

Some say that when people don't feel comfortable, they choose to belittle, malign or somehow make someone else feel 'smaller', and those who are belittled become the belittlers in the long run. It's a cycle. WE don't want to go there!

Anger and Aggression
Have you noticed that when babies are put together they play for a while and then want to dish out their own blows indiscriminately? Adults in contrast, choose their actions... and at times we choose that which is not socially sound... sort of "being peed upon so that we have to pee on others... The contempt for the world has bred a destructive attitude.

Anger & Self Esteem
Most of the Puerto Ricans I know in Los Angeles and Boston appear to be intelligent and in some apparent control of themselves. They are good "social butterflies" and cordial at most times. You can't tell if they are suppressing an unmanaged emotion. If they're angry, they do a good job covering it up. However, when their immediate reality is jeopardized, things turn into a different color.

Angry people live in an all too vulnerable "Here & Now" constantly looking around with the corner of the eye, to make sure they are not threatened. Some will only attend rehabs if they have a loved one or a "3rd party" (like court) who'd push them to go. They hate rehabs until they attend. Then they love it! Incidentally... you can take a horse to water and make him drink if you put salt in his mouth.

Non-Angry Aggression
In my illustration of babies, it can be concluded that it is our innate (a natural instinct that you're born with) and sometimes subconscious desire to subjugate others, whether it be in a subtle or angry way. Thus, you will oppress others on a given chance, whether it gives you pleasure or not. That "need" to oppress is neither genetic nor biological, that can be excused by a glandular malfunction... It's a choice that’s is made.

Some psychologists do use that to excuse aberrant behavior of sex offenders or other criminals. But even in our vulnerable condition we have the ability to make choices. That ability is the one that dictates our destiny. Be angry if you must, but do not hurt others or yourself.

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

What Joyce Meyer says About Anger
Dealing with Anger at Its Onset
Some people have been upset for so long that they don’t even realize they’re angry anymore. For many years, I was angry about being abused by my father when I was a child, yet I wasn’t really even conscious of the fact that I was mad about it. Although I was attempting to be a loving Christian, I was angry and harsh and hard. I loved God, but I hadn’t gotten serious enough with Him to say, “I want to do things Your way and I need Your help.”

Proverbs 16:32 says, Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

A person who rules their spirit demonstrates self-control. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit that’s given to us to help us control ourselves. This means when we feel a certain way, we can choose not to act on it if we know it’s against the Word of God.

Now it’s important to understand that if you let your feelings—especially anger—get into a rage, then you may be at the point of not being able to control yourself (see Ephesians 4:27). That’s why it’s so vital for us to learn how to recognize the warning signs (and put a stop to it) when those feelings first begin. That morning when I read the passage in Ephesians 4, I realized that God was saying there is a way to be angry and sin not—there’s a way to make a decision about what we’re going to do with our anger before it gets out of control.

Some simple ideas you can try:

Use Methods that Work
Writing from experience, I believe that trying to get people to work together is a very difficult task. Having to get some Puerto Rican people to work together is a monumental task. Why do I think so??

Simply, the complex cultural background and disturbed historical strata that we share, affects how we behave in a daily basis. It also, has some bearing on how and why some of us think and act the way we do... even in a subconscious level.

Case in point: As a Puerto Rican who volunteers in various projects in Los Angeles, where mostly other Boricuas work, I find that for the most part, no one wants to be told what to do, especially when they are not getting paid for it. Everybody wants to do what is right in his or her own eyes. Even when presented with a more expedient way to do a task, many times we refuse to accept it... at least at first. We want to think of that more excellent way ourselves. We want the credit and recognition. We want to be important. If we don’t get that satisfaction, look out, folks… because here comes trouble!!!