NOTICE: I am not a psychologist by trade but in 56 years I've had a great deal of anger related experiences; both with family and friends... to the point that I have created a need to understand anger, oppression and even death. I have studied these subjects and that has allowed me to keep my sanity and my life. What I share here is not a professional array but personal and voluntary. —Don Jibaro

What is Puerto Rican Anger?
nger is a normal, usually healthy human emotion, but when it is out of control it can become destructive, causing problems both in personal and working life... it can even cause death: yours or that of others. Excessive and out of control anger can cause feelings of fear, unpredictable behavior and loss of control.

I remember seeing men in Puerto Rican bars suddenly explode with anger, rip their shirts off and go duke it out in the street. But, why rip your shirt off?

The effect of anger on those around you can be one of worry and fear and a gradual withdrawal from interaction with you, or one of responding angrily.  In turn, this of course will lead ultimately to conflict and aggression.

Boricua Anger Management
Fair or not, because Boricuas suffer some social stigma we have to work harder at being accepted. The goal of anger management is to reduce both the emotional and physiological feelings that may be caused by anger, by recognizing who we are and what makes us uncomfortable. It is not about changing the events or people that cause the anger but is about changing your emotional and physical responses to them.

Most Puerto Ricans are very assertive, that which can be construed as aggressive... be it passive or active. We get closer to a person when we talk and that could be intrusive to some ethnic groups. Some will withdraw a bit and we can take that as "rejection" that triggers a degree of unfulfillment that feeds our anger.

There are various psychometric tests and questionnaires that can ascertain your anger levels, but it is likely that if you are experiencing problems with anger that you are already aware of that fact. When a Boricua is angry, boy... he knows he's angry and he'll let you know... whew!  So, if you find that your behavior is out of control you may need help in finding a different way of dealing with this particular emotion. The world has gotten too complex and we don't need additional complications, regardless of how tough we think we are.

Some say that when people don't feel comfortable, they choose to belittle, malign or somehow make someone else feel 'smaller', and those who are belittled become the belittlers in the long run. It's a cycle.

Anger and Aggression
Have you noticed that when babies are put together they play for a while and then want to dish out their own blows indiscriminately? Adults in contrast, choose their actions... and at times we choose that which is not socially sound... sort of "being peed upon so have to pee on others... The contempt for the world has bred a destructive attitude.

Commonly overlooked, contempt for the world around us has a way to disguise itself in such a way that it's virtually undetected. It projects as an expression of anger and hostility. 

"In a larger context we continually judge ourselves and others.  This judgment of others is of course relative to the way we perceive ourselves. The bottom line is, we need to feel that our lives have meaning. If we don't feel our lives have meaning then we get angry and its vented by dragging others down. (MDG Phoenix)

Not everybody is a tower of strength to move on after they have been wronged. There are many who take the hurt very deeply to the point of suicide or murder... How can we help that?

Anger & Self Esteem
Most of the Puerto Ricans I know in Los Angeles and Boston appear to be intelligent and in some apparent control of themselves. They are good "social butterflies" and cordial at most times. You can't tell if they are suppressing an unmanaged emotion. If they're angry, they do a good job covering it up. However, when their immediate reality is jeopardized, things turn into a different color.

Angry people live in an all too vulnerable "Here & Now" constantly looking around with the corner of the eye, to make sure they are not threatened. Some will only attend rehabs if they have a loved one or a "3rd party" (like court) who'd push them to go. They hate rehabs until they attend. Then they love it! Incidentally... you can take a horse to water and make him drink if you put salt on his mouth.

Phoenix adds...

"It all has to do with self-esteem and control. A person of high self-esteem feels good about himself, irrespective of the people around him. He does not have to control others in order to maintain the good feelings about himself. His basic self-evaluation is internal, and is not modified to any great extent by the things that happen around him. A person with a poor self image will attempt to deal with his feelings of insecurity by feeling better than other people, by belittling and controlling others... THRU ANGER INTIMIDATION."

"This gives him the ILLUSION of competence and power, which he sorely lacks. Because the illusion is so fleeting, he constantly needs to reinforce it by denigrating others. Think about prejudice. A person of high self-esteem meets each new person with good will and cordiality. He is not intimidated by people who are smarter, or handsomer or richer than him. He is happy within himself."

"Uncontrolled anger reflects how easy a person with poor self-esteem is prejudiced. He can, in one fell swoop, automatically feel better than an entire group of people. The rapist is not enjoying sex. He gains his (false illusion of) self esteem through the control of another person. The control that the sadist has over his victim is one of the ultimate expressions of this phenomenon." 

Moreover, most angry people have the illusion of self-esteem but no control, since the welfare of others is alien to them. Love for the welfare of others has to be the catalyst.

Non-Angry Aggression
In my illustration of babies, it can be concluded that it is our innate (a natural instinct that you're born with) and sometimes subconscious desire to subjugate others, whether it be in a subtle or angry way. Thus, you will oppress others on a given chance, whether it gives you pleasure or not. That "need" to oppress is neither genetic nor biological, that can be excused by a glandular malfunction... e.g., the hypothalamus is too small or the thyroid is too low. It's a choice that’s is made.

Some psychologists do use that to excuse aberrant behavior of sex offenders or other criminals. "He releases too much serotonin, etc." But even in our vulnerable condition we have the ability to make choices. That ability is the one that dictates our destiny. Be angry if you must, but do not hurt others or yourself.

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple ideas you can try:
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."

Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "cocoliso" or "wepa." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.

Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation... They work... for me!

Anger is trouble and ignorance a curse,
look for enlightenment ~ not a ride in a hearse."
—Anonymous—

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"Let no profanity come out of your mouth, but only what is good for edification at the moment. That it may give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by Whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and anger and slander be put away from you along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." —Ephesians 4:29

Writing from experience, I believe that trying to get people to work together is a very difficult task. Having to get some Puerto Rican people to work together is a monumental task. Why do I think so??

Simply, the complex cultural background and disturbed historical strata that we share, affects how we behave in a daily basis. It also, has some bearing in how and why some of us think and act the way we do... even in a subconscious level.

Case in point: As a Puerto Rican who volunteers in various projects in Los Angeles, where mostly other Boricuas work, I find that for the most part, no one wants to be told what to do, especially when they are not getting paid for it. Everybody wants to do what is right in his or her own eyes. Even when presented with a more expedient way to do a task, many times we refuse to accept it... at least at first. We want to think of that more excellent way ourselves. We want the credit and recognition. We want to be important. If we don’t get that satisfaction, look out, folks… because here come trouble!!!

In a cooperative, not all can be chiefs. Logic, combined with a spirit of fellowship and cooperation, should rule any decision making process. Allow me to equate LOGIC with COMMON SENSE... synonymous with “that which fits the best”.

The other day some lady stormed out of a volunteer office after she decided that all the rest of the volunteers with which she had been working for the fast eleven months, were “all trash”. I learned later that she had heated arguments with almost all the volunteers, insulted the project manager, and she had been visiting and getting “insight” with another lady who had quit for similar reasons months earlier.

Us Puerto Ricans use a dynamic word that I love… it conveys the idea of taking a long strand of cord and making a ball that it’s so intertwined that it is impossible to undo. That word is “BOCHINCHE”. The word implies way much more than mere gossip, it actually seeks to destroy harmony. The spirit of the bochinchero/a will not abide by any rules of harmony and fair play. These people thrive in creating discord among their peers and rejoice when the “poo has hit the fan.”

Let tolerate and listen to one another
Foe each negavite giove 3 positives.
 

"Fools won't take advice, but the  smart will listen."  (Proverbs 12:15)