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Da Vinci Code... Da' Bru Ha Ha
By Don Jibaro 'Who Dat Man' Barbanegra
 hen you see each Plaza de Recreo in every town in Puerto Rico,
you see that we are traditionally a Christian culture... ask your abuelita! So,
when someone tries to screw up our core beliefs, we get excited... Grrr! Enter the Da
Vinci Code novel, upcoming movie, action figurines, tea cups, etc.
Critics say that a book
rarely comes along that makes you question everything you thought you knew from
your Grandmamá and what you were taught in school. The story gives the
impression of being fast-paced,
enthralling, and simply impossible to resist.
The Da Vinci Code book subliminally presents "fact page" designed to leave the
impression that the novel is based on careful research of little-known facts.
Yeah, right! But the whole thing is just good extrapolatory fiction. Nothing
else and nothing more.
 One of the book's main characters is Señor Robert Langdon, a
fictional Harvard professor of religious symbology... (How do you like that
for terminology?) Moving on... Claiming countless years of research, the
professor maintains that for 1,700, give or take one or two years, the church
has been covering up the real truth about Jesus, pompously asserting that
"almost everything our fathers taught us about Christ is false".
Now, you ask... What does Da Vinci have to do with all this? I am glad you
asked. The title of the book comes from the conspiracy theory claim that
Leonardo Da Vinci—along with other notables like Sir Isaac Newton and Victor
Hugo—was a member of a secret society entrusted with the "truth" about Jesus.
Now here comes da' bomb...
The secret of this group (The Priory of Sion) is that Jesus had a daughter by
Mary Magdalene! (Forgive them, Father!) ...And that Mary was the true Holy
Grail who bore the royal bloodline of Jesus on earth. (Insert piano chord here) And this
thickens the sancocho in the fact that the church will kill any Juan (pun here) in
order to suppress
this valuable "revelation".
 What Pedro, Pablo, Chucho, Jacinto y José and many readers fail to
keep in mind is that The Da Vinci Code is utter poppy-cock fiction not based on
REAL
research, but on a pseudo-documented fraudulent "sorullo" passed off as
the McCoy.
The idea that Leonardo was a member of The Priory of Sion is based on a
document proven by a French court of law to be a forgery, a bochinche, a lie
and a hoax... (see The Truth Behind The Da Vinci Code by Richard
Abanes, Harvest House Publishers, pp.48-57).
As the mondongo thickens even more, The Da Vinci Code's "alternative view of
history" also falsely states that Jesus was not regarded as a God until the
fourth century when the Roman emperor Constantine decided it was in his own
political interests to unite the empire by giving Jesus "an impenetrable cloak
of divinity".
As you probably already know, Constantine was a pagan who worshipped the
sun, and he was worried about an upcoming battle. So. he started to pray to
the "Supreme God" for help and hallucinated
a sign in the sky "above the sun" and with it the words "conquer by this".
 That night in a dream he said he saw Jesus telling him to use the
chi-rho sign "as a safeguard in all battles". The symbol is made of the
first two letters of 'Christ' in Greek - chi (X) and rho (P). ~~~>
Constantine
ordered it to be put on his soldiers' shields and eventually won the battle.
For his
gratitude to the God of the Christians, Brotha' Consta made Christianity, not
only legal, but the mandatory religion of the Empire, in 313 AD. Before that,
it was illegal to be a Christian under penalty of being thrown t0 da'
Lions...!!! (Did you know that 313 is also the license plate number on Donald
Duck's car?)
BACK TO OUR STORY...
So... to beef up his politics "Constantine commissioned and financed a new
Bible, which omitted those gospels that spoke of Christ's human traits and
embellished those gospels that made Him godlike. The earlier gospels were
outlawed, gathered up, and burned." (The Da Vinci Code, p.234).
And thus the Da Vinci heretical bru-ha-ha claims that some of the documents
Constantine tried to destroy managed to survive and were found in Egypt and
that the scrolls "confirm" that the modern Bible was compiled and edited by
men who possessed a political agenda—to promote the divinity of the man Jesus
Christ and use His influence to solidify their own power base." YEAH,
RIGHT!
 But REAL expert sources state that those scrolls were the
writings of a mysterious religion known as Gnosticism which viewed spirit as good
and matter as evil and denied the physical body and crucifixion of Jesus and
emphasized a secret knowledge received only by Gnostics.
Furthermore, why do these baboons assert that the Bible has been altered
through thousands of years of countless copies and versions? Huh?
On the basis REAL research, REAL scholars REALLY assure us that our Bible is a
highly reliable REAL representation of the original REAL manuscripts. Thus there's
no further doubt that the Scriptures have come down to us substantially as they
were written. Both the authenticity and the general integrity of the books of
the New Testament are regarded as finally established.
Ever wondered why Bible also remains the all-time bestselling and most widely
read book in the world? Challengers come and go as fast as you can say
"salchicha".
Countless buffoons
and tyrants including Hitler and Voltaire, have tried to eradicate the Bible,
and guess what... The Word is still here. And stronger.
What remain are the words of
those who were willing to die for their claim that they personally witnessed
the miraculous life, death, and resurrection of the Son of God. One of those
witnesses named Pedro wrote... "For we did not follow cunningly devised fables
when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but
[we] were eyewitnesses of His majesty" (2 Peter 1:16).
Pa' que tu lo sepah!
 
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Bottom Line ______________________
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